“Achieve Like A Girl”

Rose Wan-Mui Chu

Chinese | Little Canada, MN | she/her/hers | Non-Profit Sector

I am the firstborn; the only girl of three. Growing up in Hong Kong and later in Malaysia, I defied my parents because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do certain things – like riding a bike, camping, fishing, or playing guitar. I constantly challenged the gender roles my parents placed on me. If anyone told me I couldn’t do something, I wanted to prove them wrong.

My parents ensured I would attend college in the United States. We weren’t rich, yet they made the necessary sacrifices for my out-of-state tuition. I had to work “under-the-table” in restaurants between classes and as a tutor late at night in order to make ends meet, but I knew what it took to get here.

After years of filing paperwork and following all kinds of processes, my parents and brothers finally immigrated to the United States and joined me in Auburn, Alabama, where I was finishing up my Master’s program. Three weeks after my family arrived, my dad left us to go back to Hong Kong. No one explained anything to us. It felt like he had abandoned us. It wasn’t until I reconnected with him years later that I learned his truth. After my father left, it became my duty as the eldest child to take care of my family.

Family came first, and not having my permanent residence status limited me. We shared everything, and being crowded was normal. In a three room apartment, my youngest brother, who worked night shifts, slept in one room. I slept on the couch in the living room so that my mother could have some privacy in the third room, and we rented the second room out to earn additional money. 

We didn’t have the financial means to have more than one car. So, in the middle of many nights when the phone rang, it was usually my brother calling me for a ride. I became the family driver. I also drove my mother to and from her part-time job. 

It took a long time to get my Master’s degree, and eventually I would go on to finish my PhD in Industrial and Systems Engineering from Georgia Tech. It was a very powerful moment in my life. It was not the degree itself or the title, but the fact that I earned it despite the odds. As I reflect on my 40+ years in the U.S. (28 of them in Minnesota), I feel a debt of gratitude to my parents. They sacrificed so much emotionally and financially so that I could become the person I am now. I wish to always carry in my heart the deep family roots and those very humble beginnings. I’m still proving that sometimes I don’t have to follow the rules.

#MinneAsianStories Series