Life Before and After Anousone Phanthavong

Mrs. and Mr. Phanthavong

Minneapolis, Minnesota | Lao

It was hard at first. There was barely enough to eat. We don’t speak English well, and now that our children are all grown up, they went to school and help us when they can, so it’s a bit easier. We’re in Harrison Neighborhood now, where all the elders and their kids who are still here take care of each other.

My husband and I don’t make more than $1,000 a month. We depended on Anousone to take care of us, because he didn’t have a family yet, like the rest of the children. But now that he’s been gone for more than three years, we’ve been trying to take care of ourselves on our own.

On the day Anousone died, my husband and I were moving. We wanted to move closer to where all the Lao elders lived in huan luang (housing projects in Harrison neighborhood). Our things were all in boxes. I remember getting off the phone with Anousone because he was coming to help us the next day, but he said he needed to stop by the restaurant he worked at. The night came. Then a police officer knocked on our door to tell us what happened. Next thing I did was a blur. I kept running up and down the stairs, till I ran out of breath. I didn’t know what to think, what to do.

We heard that people were gossiping and even her (Amy Senser) lawyer tried to use Anousone’s past to keep her free. That’s not fair to do to someone who is already dead. You know what had hurt me the most as a mother? Not that she hit my son, but that she had left my son there. The act of leaving my son to die was what made me cry every day during that time.

After the trial was over, we went back to Laos to visit. In Laos, we wanted to see how it was to live comfortably, but then we couldn’t seem to be happy. We would miss our children in the states. That’s how you are as a mother. Your children are your first thoughts.

Since the trial, Amy’s best friend used to stop by with food and to see how we’re doing. At first, my children wouldn’t allow it; because they were furious. But I had to remind them, “It’s okay if they want to help. It won’t hurt us”.

We lost a son who we depended on a lot. Some of our children lost their jobs, because they had to help support us, interpret for us and help us get to the courthouse. Since the day of the funeral, one of my grandsons couldn’t stop having nightmares about his Uncle Anousone. The dreams took over his life. He would say he kept hearing voices. He had to be hospitalized. He’s still hospitalized to this day.

America is our home. We miss Laos on most days, but this is home for us. When we stay in Laos, we think about our children. When we come here, we think about Laos and how much more simple life could be. But we left everything back then. We have no home, no life in Laos to go back to. This is our life now as an elderly couple in Minneapolis.

#MinneAsianStories Series