Memories at Dragon Lake

Phillipe Thao

Saint Paul, Minnesota | Hmong

Hmong elders have always warned us not to get too close to the waters of Lake Phalen. There’s a dragon down there, they’d tell us. Apparently, this dragon lives down in the depths underneath the waves, lurking for their next soul to take. 

I recently moved to St. Paul back in September after six years in Chicago. After watching my grandmother’s funeral through Zoom, I wanted to be closer to family. I couldn’t fathom saying any more goodbyes through a screen again. But what does it mean to return home when your elders have passed and your parents are aging; when your siblings are grown and your friends have their own families?

The last time I lived here, I was still an innocent child. Now, I am in my mid-twenties and disillusioned by a global pandemic. It felt disorienting to not have a sense of familiarity to cling to. And so, I spent my weekends walking around Lake Phalen in search of belonging.

As I made my trek around the water, I saw Hmong families walking side by side one another. Some grandmothers looked like mine. Children chased each other like me and my cousins once did, and young couples shared a love that I yearned for. I didn’t have to look into the water to see reflections of my own family, generation after generation.

I wonder if that’s why so many Hmong people come to Lake Phalen, despite the lore. Maybe it’s not the dragon that we fear, but the possibility of what it will take from us: our loved ones, our stories, our dreams. You’re never truly ready to say goodbye, but you’ll always find memories in the faces that cross your path.

Phillipe Thao (he/him/his) is a queer second-generation Hmong American writer based in Saint Paul, MN. Phillipe received his Bachelor’s in public relations & advertising, as well as a minor in LGBTQ studies from DePaul University in Chicago. He works in advertising as a copywriter by day, but pursues freelance and personal writing on the side as a way to make sense of his queer Hmong identity. His work has been published in Teen Vogue, Catapult, and Chicago Tribune. Read more of his work at phillipethao.com.