“Family Ties”

Cameron PajYeeb Yang

Hmong | Saint Paul, MN | they/them/theirs | Non-Profit Sector

It’s June 15, 2014.

Father’s Day barbecue in our backyard.

I’m Hmong. Queer. Transgender. 19.

My older sister sits my mom down at the head of our dinner table. I sit beside her and my sister settles across from me. Mom anchors her eyebrows and asks why the sudden formality. With my previous consent, my sister suddenly blurted out, “PajYeeb likes girls.” Mom lets out a deep sigh, exhaling as if she had been keeping this unvoiced secret away from me for 19 years. I break into tears, hoping my mom will go easy with any physical punishment that follows. She does nothing; instead she walked upstairs in complete silence. In shock, I cried my heart out. My mother and I grow further apart.

I despised my mother because she didn’t understand American culture. She came to America as a refugee at the age of two with her mother and brother. At the age of 13, she married my father and gave birth to five children. She graduated high school and received an Associate’s Degree in Accounting, so she only worked minimum wage jobs. She didn’t want to pursue anything more.

It’s 2015.

My mom and I are at a department store.

I’m still Hmong. Queer. Transgender. Now, 20.

I grabbed a few ties and threw them into the rattling shopping cart, expecting Mom will make some sort of snide comment or remark. But, she doesn’t. She stayed quiet and continued shopping as if I planned on gifting these ties to a boyfriend. I leave her side to avoid her killer silence. I wander the empty spaces between the overwhelming racks of clothes, waiting to be scornfully called back. Minutes passed. I worry that my Mom might have deserted me, so I walk towards the entrance. She’s waiting, with plastic bags in hand. We exit together. I realize she had bought my ties; not just any ties, my very first tie.

The truth is, American culture never understood mom. She eventually divorced the abusive and angry man she was forcibly married off to. She worked on assembly lines to raise five children. Sometimes, she jokes about furthering her education.

It’s November 22, 2019.

Mom’s healing.

I’m still alive.

#MinneAsianStories Series