“An Adoptee Discovers the Power in Belonging”

Katie Hae Leo

Korean | Saint Paul, MN | she/her/hers | Non-Profit Sector

In 1994, I took part in Theater Mu’s second New Eyes Festival. As a Korean adoptee who grew up in a white family, and attended majority white schools through the end of my undergrad years, the festival was the first time I found myself surrounded by other Asian Americans. The company consisted of actors, playwrights, and directors who were first, second, and 1.5 generation Americans of pan-Asian descent.

It was an amazing time for me. I remember everyone seemed so happy to have found each other, and to have found community together. Throughout the festival, we ate out a lot as a group. We hung out at each other’s homes and apartments. We learned how to make art together. And, we shared stories of our upbringings, of being Asian in the Midwest, of how we didn’t grow up seeing ourselves reflected in our surroundings, and how that all affected our sense of self.

I remember one particular night, sitting at Peking Garden with a bunch of other artists. One of my Chinese friends said something to the server in Mandarin. The server came out with a menu written in Chinese that was different from the menu that was given to regular guests. My friend ordered off that menu, and we were served the most incredible array of food – whole fish in garlic sauce, wilted greens, congee, and dumplings. All the platters were set on a lazy susan in the middle of the table, and everyone helped themselves.

This was so different from the way I was raised in a white family, where everyone got their own dishes and ate off their own plates. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging and power. After growing up in a family in which mine was the only Asian face, and going to schools where I was one of the only Asian students my whole life, I looked around at our dinner table and saw people who looked like me; it felt entirely new. Growing up disconnected from my homeland, language, and culture, the word “home” has never really resonated with me.  But, being in the presence of other Asians, and eating Asian food family style gave me a small window into what home must mean.

Since then, I have lived in the American Southwest and Deep South, but no matter where I live, I have always sought out an Asian community. Even now, I feel like I am still making up for all the years when I didn’t have it. Now that I know how it feels to belong, I refuse to live a life without that connection and sense of power again.

#MinneAsianStories Series